Thursday, February 16, 2006

Us Weekly Photo Death Match - Issue 573 - Feb. 6, 2006 (Aniston By 3)

This is another of my catch-up Death Matches. Hopefully I'll be all caught up by Monday (cross fingers).

(1) Jennifer Aniston. 13 images.
Paybacks are such a bitch.

(2) Jessica Simpson. 10 images.
There's an article in this issue about Jessica tripping (by which is meant stumbling or falling, not asking for shoe-kisses or demanding to speak with the fucking manager). Reportedly she laughed it off with a little self-effacing humor. Goddamn, girl is so fucking down-to-earth.

(3) Britney Spears. 6 images.
"Britney wants a makeover." You're fucking kidding me.

(tie) Angelina Jolie. 6 images.
Quotables from the cover story:
"It's going to be one gorgeous baby!" - Stephanie March, actress.
"What a great way to grow up, with inspirational, role-model parents!" - Doug Liman, director.
"At the end of the day, I had to tell her, 'Don't forget to get some sleep, you're pregnant! She laughed." - Wyclef Jean, musician.
"We tell our patients, 'Not more than one drink a week.'" - Isabel Blumberg, obstetrician.
Not to worry, that last comment suggests no poor choices on Jolie's part. But I thougt it a fitting caution to Us readers for the remainder of this pregnancy.

(tie) Reese Witherspoon. 6 images.
Quite the coup for Ms. Witherspoon, but let's face it, after that Golden Globes dress fiasco, I think she had it coming to her. And in fact, that very scandal lands the Walk The Line star one of her six pics, and allows Reese to offer an olive branch to those twisted fiends over at Chanel. "It's the only dress that fit," says Reese, "and the only dress I liked." All the same, I think we can safely say there's one designer she won't be wearing to the Oscars.

Coming in with five shots apiece are Drew Barrymore and Vince Vaughn. Four each can be claimed by Paris Hilton, Brad Pitt, and Justin Timberlake, while three each shold be credited to Penelope Cruz, Catherine Keener, Ashlee Simpson, and Hilary Swank. Scarlett Johansson, Lindsay Lohan, and Sienna Miller each settled for two. Appearing only once were Jessica Alba, Mischa Barton, Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes, Eva Longoria, Denise Richards, Nicole Richie, and Gwen Stefani.

Oh and here's something from page 46:
"A source spotted supermodel Kate Moss, 32, and Jack Osbourne, 20, 'making out like crazy' at L.A. shot spot Teddy's on January 16. Osbourne tells Hot Stuff [ed. note: rakishly], 'I'm neither confirming nor denying it. She's a great old friend. Technically, I'm single.'"
After that "old" dig, I'd imagine so!


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