Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Katie Holmes Is Pregnant

For God's sake people, the new issue of Us has already gone to press! This week's rapidly escalating game of celebrity announcement one-upsmanship brings us yet another Big Item. People reports:
Tom Cruise's fiancée, Katie Holmes, is pregnant with the couple's child, Cruise's spokesperson, Lee Anne DeVette, tells PEOPLE exclusively.

"Tom and Katie are very excited, and the entire family is very excited," says DeVette[...]

DeVette would not comment on the baby's gender or say how far along the pregnancy is. The rep did say that Holmes, 26, "has never felt better."
I wasn't entirely sure how this came to pass, so I asked around the U.N. Spacy offices. Roy's apparently old hat at this sort of business, and he explained the whole thing to me (read on with extreme caution and, if necessary, parental supervision). Apparently what happened is that Tom Cruise put his penis in Katie Holmes' vagina.

I'm sorry, but that is so gross. And then to go and announce it to the whole goddamned world!?! It would seem that those two - not to mention the enabling sister - have no shame whatsoever. This blogger has decided that he cannot in good conscience attend another Tom Cruise motion picture or tune in for another Katie Holmes talkshow guest appearance. There's a thing called principles, see. And part of it is keeping your private parts out of other people. Seriously, totally disgusting.

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