Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Jessica And Nick: What Really Happened... According To 'Us Weekly' Anyway

Here's that big Us Weekly cover story on Jessica Simpson and that guy she married that one time. I'll try to plow through this with a minimum of distraction and commentary, since you probably know most of this by now anyway.
  • Both Nick and Jessica have been seen without their wedding bands very recently. Photo evidence is provided.
  • Jess and Nick's last public appearance was at a September 11 football game. It's suggested that the pair separated about two months ago.
  • The story simultaneously presents two theories, both of them built on the testimonies of unnamed sources. The first one blames everything on Superdad Joe Simpson, who "didn't want people knowing or even thinking about a breakup," and has been covering the whole thing up. "Joe is the major problem. He seems almost jealous of Nick. Early on, it just seemed like a thing most fathers feel about the guy their daughter wants to marry: nobody is good enough. But it just gets worse. He gets upset when people ask when Jessica is going to have a baby with Nick!" Nick, for his part, "really can't stand [Superdad Joe]. Can you blame him?"
  • The second theory blames it all on Jessica's meteoric rise to fame and subsequent diva theatrics. "Jessica's the problem, She's not the girl America fell in love with anymore." "Everything was going well - especially her career - so they've kept up appearances. They're just waiting for the right time to announce it.""Jessica is like the new J. Lo or something. She's such a diva." "Joe has no control over his daughter anymore. Jessica won't listen to anyone." "No one can control her."

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