Thursday, October 13, 2005

The Even Uglier Side Of The Paris-Paris Split

We've never heard of Spotlighting News, but they report the following:
Paris Hilton has revealed during an interview for an American magazine that the real reason she dumped her fiancée, Greek heir Paris Latsis was because he cheated on her during his bachelor party[...] Hilton confessed during a party in Los Angeles that she dumped Latsis because he cheated on her during his bachelor party.

And, during an interview with “Extra” magazine she was asked what advices will she give to a man who wants to get married, Paris said: “Just be good to your girl and communicate and tell the truth.... Don’t cheat on her at your bachelor party ... because when guys do that it’s disgusting. Whoever I marry is not going to have a bachelor party,” added Paris.

There was already a bachelor party? I dunno, but where I come from, bachelor parties usually immediately precede wedding ceremonies. Of course where I come from, they also tend to involve strangling a hooker and burying her in the desert, but this is not what we're here to talk about. What I'm saying is, maybe Paris and Paris were much closer to marriage than we'd ever realized.

And is it just me, or are Latsis's buddies all a bunch of rogues and scamps? Seriously, he should be kept away from those guys. They've proven themselves to be reckless shit-talkers, and presumably enabled (and possibly goaded through shouted chant) Latsis to do something involving a stripper that Hilton found "disgusting."

Which brings me to: Just what did Latsis do at this bachelor party? Maybe his soiree also involved hooker-strangle, but I'm inclined to read Hilton's accusations as referring something much closer to a semi-naked lady with big hair (sash optional) unexpectedly emerging from a suspiciously large layer cake while Latsis receives boisterous backslaps from a gallery of rogues and scamps sloshing keg beer out of red Solo cups onto cheap hotelroom carpet.

I await with bated breath the two Paris's joint statement, in which they announce that it was all a misunderstanding, that Latsis's roguish pals planned the bachelor party without Latsis's consent, that the couple's matrimonial plans are back on course, and that Latsis does not condone the patronizing of strippers in any fashion, nor would he condone such at any time in the past. Why? Because it would be totally adorable. And they're both named Paris! C'mon, that shit's cute as fuck!

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