Saturday, September 24, 2005

Teen Pop Albums The Latest S.T.D. Sweeping L.A.

Tragically, 2005 will be remembered by many as the year when so many bright entertainment industry futures succumbed to sexually transmitted disease. It might seem cavalier to say so, but these days you can almost guarantee that if you've dated, slept with, or shared a press junket with anyone with a pop single under his or her belt, you're sure to experience the following symptoms:
  • a new rock-star image
  • belief that your musical vision is exciting, desirable, and necessary
  • a perceived duty to aid in the pushing of musical boundaries
  • sensation of unyielding individuality
  • insistence on an aversion to all things "normal"
  • extremely recent (and overwhelmingly unconfirmed) attempts to take up a musical instrument
  • compulsive citation of My Chemical Romance, The Killers, and Gwen Stefani as influences
  • calculated referencing of The Smiths, Mars Volta, or Madonna
  • boasts of association with Lil Lon, Pharrell Williams, or especially Scott Storch
  • frequent urges to hint at possible "guest spots"
  • half-hearted denial of correlations between song lyrics and your own high-profile relationship history
  • likening musical performance to acting, and likening acting to whatever it is you do all day
It would seem that Laguna Beach's Talan Torriero is the most recent victim of this merciless epidemic, for which there is presently no known cure. Inside sources suggest that Torriero most likely contracted the malady from Lindsay Lohan, whom he is rumored to have dated, and possibly even cheated on.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey, you have a great blog here!
I have a tea cart site/blog. It pretty much covers tea cart related stuff.

Come and check it out if you get time :-)

11:46 PM  
Blogger Jack McKinney said...

I'd say that's long overdue, anonymous.

12:13 AM  

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