Friday, September 23, 2005

Jennifer Love Hewitt Doesn't Shower Alone, Sends Bed To Matt Damon

I know the very fiber of your being is resistant to hearing this, and I understand that this won't be easy, but I hafta tell you that Jennifer Love Hewitt is kind of a moron. Two stories today corroborate this admittedly bold claim.

First, I Don't Like You In That Way reports:
Jennifer Love Hewitt says that a ghost watches her when she takes a shower... ever since meeting with an exorcist to research her role in Ghost Whisperer which premiers tonight on CBS. Shortly after the meeting, Hewitt began noticing "strange things" at home, including lights flickering on and off and mysterious footsteps. But her most terrifying experience came when she was showering and turned to see a ghostly male figure leering at her naked. Hewitt says, "The ghost had a crush on me and liked to see me showering."
If it's true that "crush" means "leer at large-breasted women while they shower," I think my analyst and I may are finally due for a big breakthrough next session. But seriously folks, this is fairly run-of-the-mill eccentric/uneducated celebrity antics, or more likely a distasteful promotional stunt. But What Would Tyler Duden Do tells us a much stranger tale that involves no less than Matt Damon. Here it is straight from the horse's mouth:
"There was this article and it was about Matt Damon, and he was saying that he works so much that he doesn't feel like he has a bed of his own anywhere. And it really struck me as this sort of sad thing. I was like, 'He's famous and he's so cute and he's Matt Damon and he should feel like he has a bed.' It just made me sad. So I sent him a bed. I sent him an AeroBed and a comforter and sheets. I wrote in there that I was a huge fan and that I wanted him to travel with it and feel like he had a bed wherever he went. I never heard back from him. I have [seen him since] and he's kind of looked at me a little weird."
Famous + cute = a worthy candidate for peculiar charity? Damon's "weird" look likely means several things at once. (1) I'm not homeless, jobless, or living in famine-ridden region of Africa. I'm actually wealthy enough to buy my own beds. (2) Fan mail from celebrities is way creepier than the regular micronian stuff. (3) Holy shit, that's that freak Jennifer Love Hewitt! Possibly also (4) I know what you did last summer.

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