Thursday, September 22, 2005

Hollywood's Roosevelt Hotel: Positively THE Place To Not Speak To Each Other

This week Hollywood's elite crowned the region's top destination for rivalry, snubbery, and even ominous glares. Sunday the Roosevelt Hotel hosted an I'm-not-even-acknowledging-that- cunt's-presence, Paris Hilton sharing eye-rolls with Kimberly Stewart and Mary-Kate Olsen while Nicole Richie aggressively fidgeted with her swizzle stick beside Mischa Barton on the other side of the bar. Lindsay Lohan flitted back and forth between the opposing armies, apparently much to Richie's dismay.

On Tuesday Teen Vogue appropriately chose the same location for their Young Hollywood party. This time it was LiLo's turn to represent. Backed by Richie, DJ AM, and Kirsten Dunst, she showed Hilary Duff that when you're a Jet, you're a Jet all the way. For her part, Duff proved that against the Sharks, you'll need every man you've got, counting among her ranks Joel Madden, Stavros Niarchos (Mary-Kate's boy), "sister" Haylie, half the goddamned cast of Laguna Beach, and a potent secret weapon in the form of Wilmer Valderrama.

The New York Daily News characterizes the scene as "two factions on opposite sides of the Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel pool." Reportedly, "ominous glares" were exchanged "all night long." A witness reveals that "there was a lot of tension, a lot of evil looks. Nobody went into the other's territory." Synchronized finger snaps too. I swear.

One source claims that, "Lindsay called Hilary and was like, 'Enough?' And Hilary just said, 'No effing way,' and hung up on her. Hilary's a wolf in sheep's clothing, so Linds is done." When I read this, I choked on my lunch, but had to high-five the nearest person before dislodging the breathe-hindering food debris.

The warlord's reps are truly no fun. LiLo's flack says, "Lindsay came to the event to support her sister Aliana, who was featured in the Young Hollywood issue," as if anyone was asking. Duff's rep says, "Hilary and her sister, Haylie, got there at 9 p.m. and stayed 40 minutes. They didn't even see Lindsay." Actually, I'm guessing those are Hil's exact words, except the "even" should be both italicized and hand-gesture-enhanced.

Postscript: Another source says that Shark Niarchos threw a glass-tossing tantrum in which he shouted, "Get me the good stuff! Patron, not Cuervo!"

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