Monday, August 15, 2005

Tom Cruise Takes "Old Ball and Chain" Literally.



That bastion of journalistic integrity, Star Magazine, is reporting that Tom and Katie's wedding plans may have hit a snag. According to the article, Cruise makes Katie spend all her time with him and his freaky Alien Ghost Worshipper friends.
Tom seemingly insists that Katie restrict herself to his inner circle, most of whom are Scientologists. "Tom wants Katie to spend most of her free time by his side" says the source. "But I think she'd rather have a break from the media glare" and head back home to Toledo, where she can visit her mother, Kathy, who recently won a battle with cancer.
Star goes on to say that Tom's insistence on frothing at the mouth over his beliefs are alienating Katie's very Catholic family. Apparently all that stuff about how psychiatry was invented by Nazis really bugged Katie's dad Martin:
"Tom apparently got excited while explaining Scientology and questioning Catholicism, even pointing out the failure of psychiatry. Naturally, this would upset the Holmeses."
Naturally. And I might add finally. What kind of solid Catholic family lets their little girl hook up with a guy like this? Sure, he was a meatball with a giant head, but Chris Klein seems like Prince Fucking Charming at this point. Hell, Katie might even be better off with Nick Lachey (who's soon to be available, if you believe the cover of Life & Style).

It's put forth in the article that Katie might become "a real-life runaway bride". We here at UN Spacy can only hope for such a glorious outcome. Imagine Katie being escorted from an airplane in her wedding gown, surrounded by FBI agents after staging her phony kidnapping at the hands of anti-LRon extremists. Towel over her head, mascara streaming down her cheeks, while Tom rides up on his Harley with an E-meter.

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