Friday, August 19, 2005

Rolling Stone Cuddle-Up: 50 Cent Threatens UN Spacy

In a segment promoting Minya Oh's new book, Bling Bling, Rolling Stone prints several brief interviews in which hip-hop luminaries weigh in on the power of the iced-out. Only three of the interviews are worth reading, and only two are funny (the other's Chuck D).

Lil Jon on the diamonds welded to his teeth:
"I always gotta be ready to upgrade my grille. Maybe next season, I'll want bigger diamonds. Huge diamonds. Retarded diamonds.... Having bling in your grille makes sex a little different. For example, I can bite a woman with my fangs. And them motherfuckers are kinda sharp! That little nibble, it'll get ya, girl!"
Lil Jon on his rhinestone-encrusted Kings of Crunk chalises:
"You know what I worry about? The damage one of them pimp cups can do to me! I remember we were filming a David Banner video in a club, and sure enough, shit was getting kinda crazy. But while I was wildin' out, I didn't even notice that I had hit myself with my pimp cup and had a deep cut! The lesson is, you can't get too crunk with a pimp cup in your hand."
Although I question RS's decision to not print Lil Jon's testimony in all-caps, any day I read Lil Jon telling a story that involves a rhinestone-encrusted chalice and ends in a lesson, I'm calling that a good day.

But, as always, someone's gotta go gettin' all heavy. And, as always, that person is 50 Cent. First Mr. Cent accuses Nelly of "rockin' cubic zirconia." Then he explains that, while touring, Mr. Cent wears moissanite replicas of his real jewelry, which he locks in a safe. "This way I don't damage my real jewelry." When asked about a recent theft of a G Unit spinning pendant, Mr. Cent throws the gauntlet:
"It's not really about the jewelry. It's about someone taking something from me so he can say, 'I robbed 50 Cent.' But then I've got to kill him for it. Dead serious."
Forreals, Mr. Cent. Forreals. Mr. Cent goes on, and frankly, I gotta say I think there's a veiled threat directed at UN Spacy in there. You decide:
"Any disrespect is still a life-or-death situation.... I'm from an environment where the price of life is cheap. So don't act like I ain't got what it takes to make it happen. I have people ready to do it. Whether it's a chain or beef with another artist [or some bitch-ass bloggin' mothafucka who's all 'Mr. Cent this...' and 'Mr. Cent that...' and clownin' on my muthafuckin' marbles!], it's no sweat off my back - I'm ready."
Damn, Mr. Cent. Dude was just asking about your ice!

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