Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Nick and Jessica Endorse OK! Check Over to Blender Magazine.

So earlier, UN Spacy reported that Blender took a poll, the results of which showed that its readership believed the Paris and Paris union to be the most likely to crumble. This proves one of two things. 1) The people who read Blender don't know that Eva Longoria wants to marry Tony Parker, or 2) The people who read Blender don't know that Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson are already married. At the very least, they don't read the New York Daily News. Because over there we have a wicked account of the latest goings on in Nick and Jessica's happy marriage. Like this:

At the Ocean Drive/Bodog party at the MTV Video Music Awards in Miami, the not-so-newlyweds seemed to exude all the warmth of liquid nitrogen - and Jessica's wedding ring was conspicuously missing - as they walked the red carpet.

"Are we gonna do this together?" Simpson demanded of her hubby, who shrugged indifferently [...]

Then it looks like things went from bad to worse when one of Jessica's "good friends" showed up at the same party:

Nick didn't seem to be having an easier time at the Setai pool when MTV star Bam Margera - who's been busily denying rumors of a fling with Nick's wife - suddenly appeared.

"He was literally 5 feet from Nick, and they completely ignored each other."

How does this charade continue? How is it that the rumors keep circulating, stories like this keep leaking, and yet the two of them still maintain that they are happily married? It can't simply be fear of bad press. First of all, they have a ton of it as it stands, Joe Simpson not withstanding. Secondly, look at what happened to Angelina Jolie. She's a fucking homewrecker and has never been more famous. I swear to all that is good and holy, that when these two finally announce their divorce 666 will suddenly brand itself into the skin of every human on Earth, the seas will run red with blood and then boil, the skies will rain fire, and pestilence and famine will run rampant across the globe. Because Satan will have finally crossed over and arrived in our world. Because Jessica Simpson will be able to reveal her true form.


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