Wednesday, August 03, 2005

MTV's 50 Cent Piece

I guess The New Yorker musta passed on an advance excerpt of 50 Cent's autobiography, From Pieces To Weight. But MTV stepped up to give us the first of five clips. I'll let MTV introduce it:
[Y]ou best believe the true key to Curtis "50 Cent" Jackson's popularity lies with his candidness -— he lives to speak his mind. There hasn't been an MC this forthcoming since Tupac[...]

In "From Pieces to Weight," 50 takes the reader every step of the way on the journey of a boy being molded into the man who's set up shop in the headlines like a hustler on the block. For the first time, Fif addresses his fears, shows a side of his early family life and recounts how as a teenager he learned the ins and outs of the drug hustle[...]

Prepare to ride shotgun.
Firstly, I wholeheartedly agree about Mr. Cent being the most forthcoming MC since Tupac (whose death must surely be the Ground Zero of hip-hop). I was especially impressed, in one of Mr. Cent's most recent hits, with his unapologetically frank offer to chauffeur me to a confectionery, where I might be permitted to sate myself on the sticky pleasures of a piece of hard candy. And secondly, let's give Mr. Cent a fighting chance at least. "Fif" is an acceptable abbreviation, as is "Fiddy," but it's gotta be one or the other from here on out. (Choose wisely.) Back to the text, how about, I don't know, a feel for the setting of the rough-and-tumble salad days of Fif's youth.
It's the early '80s, Michael Jordan has yet to enter the NBA. America thinks the kid on the tube who says "Whatchutalkinbout, Willis?" is the most adorable character ever. Rap is just a cool little subgenre of music that the mainstream has barely been introduced to, and 50 Cent is an elementary school student figuring out that his mother might be a lesbian.
Wow, I can almost smell it. I get the impression that the world was poised for Mr. Cent's arrival - that these conditions necessitated Mr. Cent's candid and forthcoming rhymes. I think I'm ready, Fif. Let's hear it.
We had been shooting marbles when this kid missed a really easy shot and I laughed at him. He must've been having a bad day because he got real upset and wanted to fight. Because he was much bigger than me, all the other kids got on his side to beat me up[...] So I did the only thing I could: I took my ass-whupping and went home to cry.

When I got home, my mom was pissed. She asked, "What the hell are you crying about?"[...]
She said, "Go back out there and fight him again. If you get your ass beat again, you're gonna take it without crying."
Hope I don't spoil anything by letting slip that he goes out and beats the guy with a rock, the narrative spiraling irrevocably to the poignantly understated and harrowingly numbed finale: "he never bothered me again." So, does anyone find it odd (hold up, fucking hilarious) that young Cent was shooting marbles?!? What is this, the fucking Adventures of Tom Sawyer? Afterwards did he whitewash a fence? Was there a slingshot in his back pocket? Did he stop at the local drugstore and ask the soda jerk for a malt? Was the term "23 Skidoo" employed? Christ, Fiddy/Fif (decision pending), I grew up in the early 80s too, and I shouldn't hafta tell you that marble appearances were scant, and generally just replacements for a Transformer's lost cluster bombs. I'll admit, having written for My Three Sons looks pretty impressive on a resume, but it isn't really a qualification for ghostwriting the autobiography of somebody who's career is predicated on surviving multiple gunshot wounds.

2 Comments:

Blogger rocknrollmama67 said...

My brother worked on this movie. It was a total zoo. Over the top security and snipers. 50 claims he wants to give back to the people in his old neighborhood. So instead of donating to a school, or a clinic or anything vaguely humanitarian. He stands up thru his limo sunroof with wands of $1 bills tossing them out the window at the waiting minions. I was mass pandemonium. He should have been charged with inciting a riot. Please if you want to do something good do something constructive not destructive.

5:00 AM  
Blogger Jack McKinney said...

rocknrollmama67, even Mr. Cent backs up your story now. From MTV News:

"It was 2,000 people easy, so I threw money in the crowd. Jim is like, 'What the f---? You'd think you'd do something better than that. The kids are gonna kill each other.'"

Full story here:
http://www.mtv.com/movies/news/articles/1509214/09082005/story.jhtml

1:38 PM  

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