Monday, August 29, 2005

Contrails: Reality Star Orgies And Self-Inflicted Gunshot Wounds

  • A recent poll names the top five Sexiest Female TV Stars Of All-Time as follows. 1. Eva Longoria. 2. Jennifer Aniston. 3. Kim Cattrall. 4. Pamela Anderson. 5. Sarah Michelle Gellar. Apparently Sexy was birthed in 1989. Seriously people, step outta fucking Costco once in a while, if only to see what the sun looks like from the Tire Center.
  • I suspect that these graphic stories from the set of E!'s Kill Reality series are riddled with false accusations. I also suspect that Trishelle Canatella and Tonya Cooley leaked them. If you think that sounds outlandish, you probably also believe payola ended in the 60s. C'mon, Trishelle was selling dates on eBay less than a year ago.
  • Inspired by his ex-flame's NorCal post-goth posing, Aaron Carter gets inked. But what's the deal with with this open-armed cocky-assed mugging he does every time he eyes a camera? Seriously, his next tat should read, "Come on! You know you wanna stare at the rodent-looking guy who posted Lindsay Lohan and sparked the most talked-about teen rivalty of 2003! You know you do!"
  • $200,000.00 may buy a Savior, but it won't buy readers. Page Six reports that OK! Magazine has only moved a tenth of its print run. UN Spacy has gone to great lengths not to join today's magazine-title-riffing-headline craze. I hope you appreciate it.
  • The New York Daily News reports that Miami police are considering the possibility that Suge Knight may have accidentally shot himself with his own gun. Now that's gangsta.

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